2. Peace, love and I hope you enjoy the book

Preludes to Nothing 

“Because our books ... rise or fall depending on how good we can be at escaping our own contexts."

―Chapter 1

Some seagulls live on Hamilton Island and some live at the Epping tip. Barry's characters get to score a touch up from Sir Thomas Sean and ours get to write books.

***

I would like to now introduce ourselves starting with Richard.

Richard was never a success. Because it's hard to keep a straight face when you are describing yourself as "omnivorous". But we got a book out of him, so he wasn't a total write-off.

Next came Charlie. Charlie Thredbo.

From Charlie I learned one interesting thing. I don't know much about how the brain works, but perhaps analogous to learning a new language and then one day realising that you've started thinking in it as well, at some point while I was doing Charlie I found myself thinking like him.

But, Charlie had a social conscience, so he was unsustainable in the long term. I'm amazed he lasted a whole year.

***

And then along came Giddy. Gideon Sporty Monk aka the Mufti. Giddy came along over lunch with my goddaughter as a joke. The details of that joke and a certain bet that went with it are outside our scope, but for the purposes of this book let me just say that with Giddy we got there. Which explains why I look so fine these days. Caprice, leather.

But then, the curve ball. Giddy turned out to be no good at writing books. He was too busy stealing glimpses of himself in shop windows and dropping into cafés ordering almond lattes and chatting up the waiters.

And yet I can't kill Giddy off, either. Because he's the only thing stopping me jumping back on the cheap casks of wine and sitting outside Coles with a few coins in the bottom of a coffee cup. And people bringing me food and bugging me with love talk instead of dropping a dollar in my cup.

And so, I've decided to write this one myself. My name is Danny Raime. Peace, love and I hope you enjoy the book.

1. Doing a Barry

Preludes to Nothing 

“You mustn't judge Australia by the Australians.”

―Dame Edna Everage

Do we even need another book on the histories and cultures of Australia?

Well, no. We don't. And we especially don't need another one from the likes of me, a Jesus-loving hello boys rock star from outer space with high hair.

Just kidding. I'm not really Richard. Although I once was, for a while. In the tradition of Doing a Barry.

As a tradition, Doing a Barry is uniquely Australian. Can you imagine an Englishman in a dress?

And it's also about being a beautiful soul of the 21st century enlightenment who's prepared to walk a mile in another man's stilettos.

Come to Australia and you'll see it everywhere. And not just in parliament. Drop in on any end-of-season piss-up in any small country town and if you've got your trousers on you'll find yourself the odd man out. Because when those boys hit the bathroom before a big night, their wives don't get a look-in.

Which brings us to this book.

Because to get a gig as a contributor on any of our books on the histories and cultures of the world, skills and experience in Doing a Barry are essential. In other words, if you cannot get yourself into characters as far apart on our cultural spectrum as are our Tony "Borders" Abbott ...

... and our Clementine "No" Ford ...

... then we can't use you. Because our books are about histories and cultures in the plural, not the singular. And they rise or fall depending on how good we can be at escaping our own contexts.

So, love or leave "that", girls!

Oh.

I cracked that joke just now to set myself up for some image or other of Aussie Rules footballers dressed as women. And then I entered into my browser the text "Aussie Rules footballers dressed as women" and ... oops! I forgot. Aussie Rules footballers include women, now.

And with that and various other cultural features we boast here in Oz already hinted at, we are off and running on the histories and cultures of … Australia. G'day.

We actually do say "g'day" sometimes. But more and more as we go along I'm hearing people say "hey" instead. Like Americans.