3. A few big fibs

Preludes to Nothing 

“I forgot. Aussie Rules footballers include women, now."

―Chapter 1

I didn't really forget.

My daughter and three of my nieces-to-pieces, after all, play Aussie Rules.

So why did I fib?

Well, the title of this book is "A thief's guide to the histories and cultures of Australia". And all dogs are chihuahuas and to lie is to thieve. And give that I'm the book's author, that makes me a dog and a thief and a sophist and a liar, if I've got my Aristotle straight.

What?

Don't worry. That made no sense to me, either.

In fact, there's a lot about the world that doesn't make sense to me. Which is a point I think I need to be make nice and early in a book about the histories and cultures of Australia.

And now, with that said and without further ado, I would rather suddenly like to recommend that you dump this book and read something written by a professional instead. By an academic, preferably. But really, anyone who tells the truth and is sure about that just has to be better than someone who seems happy to admit he lies, don't you think?

Case in point, my other daughter has a humanities teacher who knows what's what when it comes to Australia. And from him she has come home with the idea that her teacher thinks that:

• Secularism is about being nice to people, that what we are doing to the refugees isn't very nice and that as a consequence of that we're not as fancy pants secular as we think we are; and that
• Terra Nullius was a declaration that aborigines are flora and fauna.

She could have read him wrong, of course. She's in only Year 7 and these concepts are rather Year 11 or 12, I would think. But either way, like I said, don't listen to me. Because as far as I know there are ways to be secular and not nice at all. And Terra Nullius over the last few years at least struck me as a device one mob of humans came up with to thieve land off another mob of humans and still lie straight in bed. Nothing much to do with flora and fauna at all.

Right. That's got rid of all the riff raff. It's back to just you and me again.

And what were we talking about? Ah yes, women. And football. I'll choose one of those for my next chapter. Whichever is the easiest, I think would be best.