4. A few big firsts

Preludes to Nothing 

“Ah yes, women. And football. I'll choose one of those for our next chapter. Whichever is the easiest, I think would be best."

―Chapter 3

The footy.

All right then. It just so happens that there was a big game here in Melbourne last night between what I think might be the two oldest clubs in professional or major league football worldwide? Counting in all codes of football? And those two teams were, and are, Melbourne and Geelong.

And I think that's really something. A big first, as it were. Because very few countries in the world even have an indigenous game of football let alone one that is such a big deal as Aussie Rules is here.

And what is it about us that got us inventing our own game of football when nearly everyone else seems happy to play one of England's? No idea. And I'm not going to bother trying to figure it out, either. Because I'm happy enough to just enjoy our game for what it is. Which is the best game in the world.

What's that? Quality is a democracy and soccer's played all over the world?

Oh all right then, fair enough. I can live with that. Because I'm a Catholic, and we're all over the world too.

Afterthought. I should have started with women instead.

Because if I had, I could have started this chapter with an even bigger first on our part. Perhaps the biggest first since Eve offered Adam an apple and Adam got the wrong idea.

Being, if I've got my language right, that first Adelaide and then a newly minted Commonwealth of Australia seem to have been the first societies ever on this planet to grant women the right to both vote and stand for election.

And finally for now, our White Australia Policy.

Was that a first on our part, of sorts? In the way we formalised that? Again, no idea. But it's a really interesting topic, I think. And one that we'll come back to if, if I remember to. For example I'm not sure that:

• Back in 1901 its authors were thinking much about skin colour (I'm pretty sure it mostly about keeping out the Chinese, and the Chinese to my eye are pretty much as white as we Euros are); or that
• If I were to travel back in time to 1901 that back then in time I would be entirely against it even if I was indigenous, let alone if I was Anglo or a Celt or whatever it is that I am.

But, as I suggest, that's all something to be thought about in more depth some another day.

3. A few big fibs

Preludes to Nothing 

“I forgot. Aussie Rules footballers include women, now."

―Chapter 1

I didn't really forget.

My daughter and three of my nieces-to-pieces, after all, play Aussie Rules.

So why did I fib?

Well, the title of this book is "A thief's guide to the histories and cultures of Australia". And all dogs are chihuahuas and to lie is to thieve. And give that I'm the book's author, that makes me a dog and a thief and a sophist and a liar, if I've got my Aristotle straight.

What?

Don't worry. That made no sense to me, either.

In fact, there's a lot about the world that doesn't make sense to me. Which is a point I think I need to be make nice and early in a book about the histories and cultures of Australia.

And now, with that said and without further ado, I would rather suddenly like to recommend that you dump this book and read something written by a professional instead. By an academic, preferably. But really, anyone who tells the truth and is sure about that just has to be better than someone who seems happy to admit he lies, don't you think?

Case in point, my other daughter has a humanities teacher who knows what's what when it comes to Australia. And from him she has come home with the idea that her teacher thinks that:

• Secularism is about being nice to people, that what we are doing to the refugees isn't very nice and that as a consequence of that we're not as fancy pants secular as we think we are; and that
• Terra Nullius was a declaration that aborigines are flora and fauna.

She could have read him wrong, of course. She's in only Year 7 and these concepts are rather Year 11 or 12, I would think. But either way, like I said, don't listen to me. Because as far as I know there are ways to be secular and not nice at all. And Terra Nullius over the last few years at least struck me as a device one mob of humans came up with to thieve land off another mob of humans and still lie straight in bed. Nothing much to do with flora and fauna at all.

Right. That's got rid of all the riff raff. It's back to just you and me again.

And what were we talking about? Ah yes, women. And football. I'll choose one of those for my next chapter. Whichever is the easiest, I think would be best.